Come to my window
Crawl inside, wait by the light of the moon
Come to my window
I’ll be home soon...
Lucrezia Noin rested her head against the train window and sighed. It had been a long day at the Preventer office, and she was exhausted. Phone calls, mounds of paperwork, reports to be filed, fighting with the ancient computer that kept shutting down on her...et cetera, et cetera. She sighed. It didn’t help that the ache of mourning hadn’t gone away. It had been what? A year? A year and a half? She still couldn’t get Zechs Merquise out of her mind. She closed her eyes and let her mind drift back...
I would dial the numbers
Just to listen to your breath
"Call him!" Suzie squealed. "Call him, Lu!"
"I...I don’t know," Noin stammered. A first-year student at the Lake Victoria Academy, she’d just admitted her fascination with Zechs to another classmate, Susan Weller, her best friend. That had been hard enough, but to actually call his room and talk to him? That would be practically impossible!
Suzie’s look turned sly. "I dare you," she said, knowing Noin almost never turned down a dare.
"I don’t think so," Noin said, refusing to be baited.
"I double dare you."
Noin bit her lip, but the challenge was too much, and she grabbed the school phone book. There it was, his name and room phone number. She picked up the phone and looked over at Suzie, who laughed. "Do it."
With a shaking finger, Noin dialed the numbers and held the phone to her ear. It rang twice, and then there was a soft click and his quiet, husky voice. "Hello?"
She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She was paralyzed by a sudden rush of fear. What in God’s name could she say to him? She heard him breathe, and then he said "Hello?" again.
Suzie was waving urgently at her, but her mind was blank except for a few truly inane phrases that she wouldn’t dare let out of her mouth. "Is anyone there?" he asked. She could hear his soft breathing, and suddenly she slammed the phone down on the receiver.
"Luuuuu," Suzie whined. "What was that? That wasn’t a phone call!"
"I couldn’t think of anything to say," Noin explained lamely.
I would stand inside my hell
And hold the hand of death
She squared off against Zechs in her white Taurus, facing down the fearsome Epyon mobile suit as it raced after Peacemillion. "Noin, get out of my way," he ordered.
"No, Zechs. I’d really rather not have to fight you, but I..." She raised her Taurus’ gun. She knew that crashing Peacemillion into Libra was the only way that Libra’s dangerous main cannon would be destroyed, and she had to make sure that Sally and Howard succeeded.
"Noin, get out of here!" he shouted, not stopping.
"I’m not moving, even if it means having to fight you." It was so hard to say it. She didn’t want to fight him. She didn’t want to be on the opposing side. But she didn’t understand his motivation for all this. Why would he want to destroy the earth? Why would he want to start another war? What could he possibly be thinking? She wanted an explanation for his behavior, but she knew she wouldn’t get that until after the war was over, if they both survived. Zechs, don’t make me do this! she cried silently, heart breaking. Her hands tightened on the controls.
"Noin," he said softly. The amazement and hurt was clear in his voice.
"Zechs," she replied, letting her own voice carry the regret she felt.
The Epyon raced toward her at full speed. She refused to move, but try as she might, she couldn’t make her finger pull the trigger. "Miss Noin!" Quatre shouted.
"What are you waiting for?" Duo asked.
"What are you doing? Shoot him!" Wufei added.
"Miss Noin!" Quatre shouted again as Epyon neared her.
At the last moment, she closed her eyes and turned her head away, letting the gun drop. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t shoot him, and she fully expected to die by his hand. He was so much stronger than her, so much more committed to his cause. He wouldn’t let their friendship get in the way of his destiny.
To her surprise, Epyon’s thermal energy sword slashed over the head of the Taurus, and then the suit turned and shot off into space. She watched Zechs fly away, wondering why she wasn’t dead. Why didn’t he kill her? What would be so strong as to override his determination to stop Peacemillion? Does he love me? she wondered.
"Oh Zechs," she murmured softly.
You don’t know how far I’d go
To ease this precious ache
Sally found her blind drunk in the bathroom, holding her bleeding wrists over the tub. "Lucrezia, what in God’s name are you doing?!" she cried, grabbing her.
"I just want to die," she sobbed, body slumping against Sally’s. "Sally, I want to die!"
"No you don’t," Sally said firmly. "Do you think this is what he had intended for you when he fought that war? To throw your life away?"
"I told Dorothy that I believed Zechs was alive, but he isn’t, he can’t be, he would have come back by now if he was. He’s dead, Sally, and there’s nothing here to keep me from following him."
"We still need soldiers. We still need you. Someone has to keep the peace around here when negotiations fail. Lady Une is heading up an organization called the Preventers. I’m planning on joining, and I think you should too."
Noin was silent, pondering that. She supposed it would give some purpose to her life. "Okay," she said simply, her voice almost childlike.
Sally examined Noin’s wrists and then bandaged them. "Lucky for us both, you were too drunk to cut yourself very deeply. You’re fine. You’ll heal."
Leaning against Sally and staggering, Noin gradually made it to her bedroom and collapsed onto her bed, passing out.
You don’t know how much I’d give
Or how much I can take
Just to reach you
Just to reach you
Oh to reach you
Come to my window
Crawl inside, wait by the light of the moon
Come to my window
I’ll be home soon
She opened her eyes and came back to the present when the train reached her stop. She stepped off of the train and walked the couple of blocks to her apartment. It was dark as usual when she walked in, but she didn’t need any kind of light to find her way around. She didn’t have that much furniture anyway. A wry smile crossed her face. For all the work she did, the job sure didn’t pay very well. The couch and chairs were mismatched and worn, and her mattress had seen its better days as well, but she couldn’t afford anything better. At least, not at the moment. Maybe in a few years when the money she was saving in the bank had grown into a decent amount.
Keeping my eyes open
I cannot afford to sleep
Giving away promises
I know that I can’t keep
She grabbed a beer from the fridge and sat on the couch, flipping on the TV. It lit up the room with images, but she didn’t really pay attention to it. Her mind was racing, full of thoughts about Zechs. Tonight would be another sleepless night, she knew, the fourth that week. She was getting used to it. Unless she got drunk enough to pass out, she didn’t get any kind of rest, and a drunken stupor didn’t really qualify as rest, anyway. The constant fatigue didn’t bother her as much as it used to, and even though she knew Lady Une was worried about her, as long as she did decent work no one questioned her.
She took two long swallows of beer. "Get some sleep, Noin," she muttered, mimicking Lady Une’s voice. "Yes, ma’am, I will, I promise," she answered herself in her normal voice. She shook her head. "Promises, promises," she said softly. "I think I’ve broken every promise I’ve made since the war."
But she did her best to keep the one promise she made to Zechs, to look after Relena. Even if she didn’t do it full time, she kept an eye and ear out for occasions where it might be possible for her to anonymously check on the young Vice Foreign Minister and make sure that Zechs’ little sister was doing okay. So far, everything was going fine, and her life was crumbling faster and faster. Watching over Relena and her Preventer job were the only things keeping her going, but as long as there was peace, she felt unneeded. Sooner or later, she knew, she’d end up curled in bed all day until the landlord called someone and they moved her out of the apartment and to a nice padded room in an insane asylum. All because he was gone...
Nothing fills the blackness
That has seeped into my chest
I need you in my blood
I am forsaking all the rest
Dammit, she thought fiercely as the tears sprang in her eyes. I don’t want this crap tonight. She hated to cry. More than anything, she hated to cry for him. He’s dead, get over it! she screamed at herself. But she couldn’t. She had loved him and never had the chance to tell him, and it ate at her. I had plenty of chances, I just never had the guts, she corrected herself. She needed him, and he wasn’t there anymore. "If I could just see him once more," she said softly. "I’d tell him everything. No holding back. That’s all I need, just one more chance..."
She got up and headed for her bedroom. Catching a glimpse of herself in the long hallway mirror, she stopped and stared. She was rake-thin, pale, which only made the purple bags under her eyes from lack of sleep stand out more. She hadn’t bothered to wash her hair in the last couple of days, and it was flat and stringy as it hung in her face. "You are one pathetic excuse for a human being," she told herself. The tears began to fall as her self-loathing increased. "God damn it!" she finally yelled. "Get over it! He’s dead and you’re not! You have a life to live, so do it!" Hardly realizing what she was doing, she hefted the half-full beer can and flung it at the mirror, shattering it. She leaned against the wall and stared at the pieces of mirror on the floor. "Seven years of bad luck. So what else is new." Pushing herself up off of the wall with her hands, she continued to her bedroom and flopped onto the bed.
Just to reach you
Just to reach you
Oh to reach you
Come to my window
Crawl inside, wait by the light of the moon
Come to my window
I’ll be home soon
The cool breeze across her neck woke her from a sleep of utter exhaustion. I don’t remember leaving the window open, she thought drowsily, and turned over to look. Her eyes snapped wide open and she jerked upright. There was someone standing in her bedroom. She rubbed her eyes, but the person was still there. "Who’s there?" she asked loudly, trying to keep the tremble out of her voice. I knew I shouldn’t have taken a ground floor apartment, she thought. She’d originally wanted a fifth floor apartment, but had been talked into the ground floor one by the landlord, who had spouted all kinds of statistics on how safe the ground floor apartments were. No more rapes or robberies than any other apartment, he said. Trust me to be the exception.
"I didn’t mean to wake you," a male voice said softly. "You look like you need the sleep."
It sounded like... No. She was hearing things. "Look," she said. "I think you’d better just leave. I’m not the kind of woman you want to try to mess with."
The man chuckled and walked toward the bed. Noin sat up straighter and tried to remember where she’d hidden her gun. The dresser. Too far. In her weakened condition, he’d reach her before she got there. He sat on the edge of the bed, and the moonlight reflected off of...long platinum blond hair? Her heart caught in her throat. It’s not possible! You’re dreaming! she scolded herself.
"Noin?" he queried softly, leaning forward, and fingers grazed her cheek.
She jerked away and shook her head. "It’s not...it can’t be..."
He reached out and flicked on the bedside lamp. "You know," Zechs said with one of his small smiles, "if you’re going to live on the ground floor, you really should lock your windows."
She bit her lip, and then threw her arms around his neck. "Don’t leave me," she said, crying again but not caring.
"Why would I leave?" he asked.
"Because I think I’m dreaming. All this is just a dream and when I wake up, my life is going to be as stupid and pointless as it was before," she sobbed.
He reached up and removed her arms from his neck. As he brought them down to her lap, his thumbs brushed across the scars on her wrists, and he looked down. She watched his brow furrow, and then he looked up at her. "This...why?"
The concern in his voice made her cry harder. "I love you," she blurted. "I love you, and you left me."
"Noin," he said, his voice barely more than a whisper. He pulled her against him, wrapping her in his arms. She buried her face in his shoulder, closing her eyes and breathing his scent. If this is a dream, it’s an awfully realistic one, she thought just before exhaustion reclaimed its hold on her and she fell asleep.
I don’t care what they think
I don’t care what they say
What do they know about this
love anyway
When she awoke again, morning light had brightened the room. She took note of her surroundings and nearly burst into tears again, but this time from joy. He’s still here, she thought. It wasn’t a dream! In fact, she was still in his arms, although at some point he had laid down on the bed and fallen asleep as well. His hair, blown by the breeze from still-open window, was tickling her face and had woken her. She brushed it away, then snuggled tighter against him and closed her eyes. The office could do without her today. Lady Une might get on her case for slacking off and Sally might complain about having to do all the paperwork herself, but she didn’t care. Zechs was here, holding her, and she was going to enjoy this for all it was worth. Briefly, she wondered what had happened to him, where he had been, but then her mind subsided. She had all the time in the world to find out. She fell asleep again, not noticing when the gentle, caressing breeze blew his hair back over her face.
Come to my window
Crawl inside, wait by the light of the moon
Come to my window
I’ll be home soon...
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